Dear Josh,

It's 1:30 am, and I am lying beside you watching you sleep.

I'm not tired, since I've been doing little else but sleep the entire evening. So don't you even start to tell me how important it is that I rest after my chemo sessions.

On the contrary, you know, you look tired, even in your sleep. The light from my lamp casts a pale glow on your face, making the shadows under your eyes that much more apparent. I really want to kiss you awake and do things awake people do in their beds, but you need your rest. Worrying is a very tiring thing to do. I do know about that.

I also know that no matter what I say, you're not going to stop your constant hovering. I just want to tell you that, in this moment, lying here in our bed, feeling the warmth of your body next to mine, I have everything that I've ever wanted and ever needed in life. For the past few years, I wake up every morning next to you, knowing that we serve at the pleasure of the leader of free world, knowing that we have the power to change the world for better, knowing that you love me. Should I not wake up again tomorrow morning, I would still say that I have had a great life.

So stop worrying yourself to death, Josh, and take care. Because you would look really bad to have died of exhaustion from fussing over me, and because I will fight that damn cancer and I will win. Losing is not an option, not when we finally get to do things our way, with the re-election behind us, and certainly not when I have you to live for. I've worked too hard for me to miss the good part now.

Trust me, Josh.

Anyway, watching you sleep is making me sleepy as well.

I'll see you in the morning.

Love,

Sam